SF Chronicle review:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/05/26/DDES10TALN.DTL
later, chris
TV review: 'Andromeda' strains its credibility
Tim Goodman
Monday, May 26, 2008
The Andromeda Strain: Sci-fi movie. 9 p.m. today and Tuesday on A&E.
To be absolutely fair to the Ridley and Tony Scott remake of "The Andromeda Strain," which absorbs four hours and two nights on A&E starting today, the "television event" does its very best to stave off the kind of lunacy that often turns futuristic sci-fi into comedy. But then, just before the credits roll on Night 1, "The Andromeda Strain" comes so completely unwound that you think, "I might have to find something else to do tomorrow instead."
But resist that temptation. Because once you're invested to that point, you might as well stay around for the payoff, which unfolds uproariously on Tuesday as both a "Mystery Science Theater 3000" candidate for mockery and a thoughtfully constructed drinking game.
If drinking is not your thing, try clapping - everybody should end up happier after this movie. Or try kissing. "The Andromeda Strain" is bad enough to start another baby boom or reignite stagnant marriages.
But before setting any ground rules for drinking, clapping or kissing, you should know that "The Andromeda Strain" from the brothers Scott differs from the 1971 Robert Wise film in that there appears to be an exponential increase in government conspiracies, underlying evil, a wink at environmentalism and an uptick in the be-careful-of-science-and-technology mantra.
As well there should be. In fact, 2008 seems like a particularly good time to make a movie about bioterror. But the execution here aims for high-end sophistication but ends up just being silly. Many of the events in this modern remake are similar to the original: A satellite crashes on Earth carrying "the Andromeda strain" of a very deadly, very smart virus. Though it seems a lot smarter this time around. So smart, in fact, that you will end up laughing at its seemingly endless permutations. Ultimately, it's not smart enough to know when to ratchet down the nonsense.
And this "Andromeda Strain" seems too in love with the idea of the space-time continuum, wormholes and a ceaseless love of geek speak.
Benjamin Bratt, Eric McCormack, Ricky Schroder, Andre Braugher and Daniel Dae Kim - among others - star in this ensemble space-and-science thriller, and each actor will have at least one embarrassing moment. Here's hoping Braugher, an outstanding actor, got a gigantic A&E paycheck.
We have a proble
Bratt plays Dr. Jeremy Stone, who heads up an all-volunteer team of doctors and scientists who are at the government's disposal should something go wrong.
Something goes wrong.
A satellite screams into a small Utah town called Piedmont. Two star-gazing lovers find it. They pick it up and bring it back into town. Not good. Then they have the fire chief crack it open. Really not good.
When government patrols show up to collect the satellite - your first inkling that something covert has been going on - they find it missing. They head into town and find nothing but death. Later, just like in the original movie, they'll find the town drunk and a fragile little baby still alive. By this time, the scientists, the president and everybody else know they've got a deadly bio accident on their hands, but they have no idea what it is or what it's capable of. ("Andromeda Strain" is all about far-fetched evolution, apparently.)
Anyway, Schroder, as a military man, suggests nuking all of Piedmont and eradicating the strain.
Now, hold on. Up until this point, roughly one hour and 50 minutes into "The Andromeda Strain," enough tension and mystery and updated tech coolness was in place to make the movie seem worth watching. This bio element was doing very bad things to people and that, in turn, was worth watching. Then comes the computer animation. In creeps the silliness - the last five minutes almost daring you, in its lameness, to return Tuesday.
But return you must.
Otherwise, you'll miss the full-on descent into pants-wetting, outrageous, sci-fi crackery that makes the final two hours fly by. You could miss so much, like Schroder's big revelation. Like the hot first lady. Or the pointless, we're-on-cable swearing. Or the predictability.
Drink, clap or kiss when ..
But, as promised, should you choose to make a drinking, clapping or kissing game out of "The Andromeda Strain," you should take action every time you see these things:
-- Someone says, "Computer," and the voice-keyed computers perform elaborate tasks.
-- A character spews geek speak. (Careful on those pours.)
-- One character barks out extremely complicated scientific theory only to be one-upped by someone countering with an extremely complicated medical theory. Pay attention!
-- Computer animation is used in ways that make you giggle when you shouldn't.
-- Color is used to illustrate the flow of the strain through fields or air.
-- Creeping color kills someone (no groping - kissing only!)
-- A series of miraculously fortunate events happen just in time to further the outbreak or the story (watch those hands - clap lightly).
-- The strain adapts within seconds of adapting some other way.
-- Bratt acts underwhelmed and calm when the situation calls for him to be insanely worried.
-- Every time Kim is racially slighted and/or adjusts his glasses.
-- Birds fall out of the sky, dead.
-- A buzzard appears.
-- Animals - not birds or buzzards - spread the strain in patently ridiculous ways.
-- The military takes a casualty not related to an armed enemy.
As a changeup to this game, stop drinking, clapping or kissing whenever the action stops for a faux-romantic moment.
Well, at that point, you're either going to be drunk, sore or pregnant - possibly all three. And there wasn't even one mention of "the thumb." You are not going believe "the thumb." In fact, here's two thumbs up for "the thumb."
But four thumbs down (it could happen in science - look it up) for this remake.
E-mail Tim Goodman at tgoodman@sfchronicle.com.
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/05/26/DDES10TALN.DTL
This article appeared on page E - 1 of the San Francisco Chronicle